You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
