So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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