it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
