You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
