I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
