the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
