We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
