Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
try to milk me bitch
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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