I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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