Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
