youre lurking in front of me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
