my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
