Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
