im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
