The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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