I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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