You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
