I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
