I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
