i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
