just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
