I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize