Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize