Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
