My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
