Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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