talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
