so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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