I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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