If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
