Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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