why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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