im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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