You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
