Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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