Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
