I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
