ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
