i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
