so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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