shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
