Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
