Just fell off a train. Bad.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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