allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
two words: eviction party
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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