He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
