dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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