the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
