either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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