Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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