I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they need to just BURY HIM!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
