we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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