id be glad to
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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