why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
