my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
