hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
