Will you blow on my dice?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Good thing I've started drinking again