Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar