i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.