susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
