just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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