Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
