i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
