oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
