CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
