I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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