Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
