my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
