I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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