So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
