I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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