I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still dying that you shit outside
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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