I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
