Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Randomize
