ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
